Ok ready to continue the story!!

 

HELD HOSTAGE AT PRINCESS ANNE HOSPITAL

 

 

Sorry I have not kept you up to date. It has been a very very rough week.

 It started Friday 8:00 am. I went in for an out patient procedure, where I was not allowed to drink or eat. The procedure was to drain the fluid from my lung that came back from the first suction after about 2 weeks which helps me breath. As I waited and waited for my slot at 10:00 as it came and went...anyway when I final was wheeled in, my white blood count was so high , (I told the Dr, was do to the new chemo for my bone that are meant to raise the count) Then came the kicker, my heart rate was 150 WHAT? They call me a conundrum. the dr. said I can not release you Its Friday and not much goes on over the weekend If they can't figure it out, its help from above. The dr. said I had to back on the gurney. to a waiting area and see if vitals settle down, by the way still no water or food, the time was ticking, yet I still can't eat or drink or get  a room assigned until about 4:00. I will continue tomorrow, because its a long story.

OK next Chapter......

Turns out the computer system are not linked for all the info...believe it or not I could Have walked the info across the parking lot...Mr doctor was in Italy and would have thought it was still an outpatient and already checked out.  Anyway a whole lot of miss communication! They did give me a choice to check out for the weekend or just stay in a clean environment etc and go first thing Monday. I was on oxygen and a tube was draining fluid out of lungs 24-7 and everything was being monitored and I was getting three square meals a day and I am loosing weight rapidly. I was off my Chemo for a time, not even sure it is working anyway that time. I did want to keep getting my chemo for the bone regiment, HELLO, which makes my white blood count go up. we got all that straight by then and I got the shots at the hospital. Which is a good sign. What it is for? They say its like a fertilizer for my bones.I get a shot everyday which I can take in my stomach or upper arm which burns, and then regular Chemo once a week. Once I got the procedure finished Monday, I had to rest a couple days. Now I get home care to drain my lung and oxygen, but I am doing much better with breathing and I really don't cough much any more, which means removing the fluid regularly is really helping. One of the more prominent problems left was severe bone pain from my bug and the shots, I usually have a med to high pain tolerance, but these pains buckle me over. ( very hard on my Husband,  Mom, Brothers, and Friends.)  I could go on forever....I next went on a pain management, which is helping so much. The lack of breathing from all the fluid that needed to be drained caused me to be exhausted and the pain kept me down too. So needless to say I am feeling better.

Love and Prayer and Thanks to all.
Gail

 

 

 



PA Hosp.

Ok ready to continue the story!!

 

HELD HOSTAGE AT PRINCESS ANNE HOSPITAL

 

 

Sorry I have not kept you up to date. It has been a very very rough week.

 It started Friday 8:00 am. I went in for an out patient procedure, where I was not allowed to drink or eat. The procedure was to drain the fluid from my lung that came back from the first suction after about 2 weeks which helps me breath. As I waited and waited for my slot at 10:00 as it came and went...anyway when I final was wheeled in, my white blood count was so high , (I told the Dr, was do to the new chemo for my bone that are meant to raise the count) Then came the kicker, my heart rate was 150 WHAT? They call me a conundrum. the dr. said I can not release you Its Friday and not much goes on over the weekend If they can't figure it out, its help from above. The dr. said I had to back on the gurney. to a waiting area and see if vitals settle down, by the way still no water or food, the time was ticking, yet I still can't eat or drink or get  a room assigned until about 4:00. I will continue Tomorrow, because its a long story.

 

 

Love, and prayers.

Gail



Duke visit

 Visit to Duke

 

No good news their. they basically said no trials would suit me.

Why we had to drive 4 hrs to hear that..made for a sad ride back.

I guess it is what it is! Not much for me to say, except I pray the current Chemo I am on is stomping the bug!!!! Not in the mood for bloggin right now, I will update when I have some medium to good news.

 

love to you all,

Gail

 



Outpatient August 30

 

Outpatient surgery August 30th

 

 

I went in to removed fluid building up in my left lung, which is already 1/3 filled with a tumor that has collapsed my top lobe. I was having a very difficult time breathing to say the least. The procedure involved me sitting and leaning over another higher table. Not much pain they said, at this point I equate things with past procedures, like the bone biopsy etc..They just numb the skin with a wipe on my back, and insert a needle and tube to suck out the fluid, but in the middle I got A shooting pain in my shoulder neck area and then my hip, like a nerve or ?? so I said I could take it for about a couple more minutes, and then that was it, they had gotten enough fluid.  I looked over and there was a liter of fluid.....Wow all that was in my tiny lung. The other pain lasted for about 1/2 hr. after the pain med. took hold I was able to go home. I am on pain meds. most of the time to help with the pain in my bones. Resting a lot yesterday and today. Apparently I am one of the rare ones that resist the chemos.

 

Help me Pray that this Chemo starts stomping out the bug.

Love and thanks from ME

 

 

 

August 2012 as time goes by........

STARTING NEW 8 WEEKS TREATMENT

(once a week)

 

Started new chemo yesterday, with no complications . I have had bone pain in my ribs, back and side. I have been taking pain meds every four hours, but they make me very tired. Update on meds, I take pills for bone health, and pain pills for pain, bone shots every 6 weeks. Vitamin once a day 2 pills for tremors (which seem to be helping) a predisone to pick me up help and with breathing. As the side effects keep adding up, lucky some are replaced. The Dr. said the new chemo should help with the pain. I meet with my radiologist today for my check up from my radiation, since it work on an accumulative effect we had to wait three months. I would love to get back to work.

 

I never was a very patient person, but it seems the name of the game is waiting to find the key.  Remembering....

 

 "Faith is not knowing what the future holds but knowing who holds the future". 

 I am praying for more patience.

 

Love and Thanks for all the cards, well wishes, prayers, and love.

 

xoxoxo Gail

Update from yesterday

News from Wednesday

No bad news...not great news either. the current chemo is not working. So I will be startimg my new 8 weeks of chemo next week Vinorelbine Tartrate. I will give more detail later, tremors are making it very hard to type.

Hope love and prayers, Gail



8 Months ago my life was turned upside down.

I go for my 5th Chemo tomorrow, with three left if working in this series. I really have  no new news until middle of August.

 Just some of my thoughts...

I am becoming very tired again, which I need to recover from all of the poison they pump into to me. It could also be the pill for the tremors which slows down your blood pressure or the other mix of pills....etc.

I often think of the past 8 months filled with, needles weekly for drawing blood, and administering IVs needles, many many Dr,s appointments, Hospital  visits, MRI,s, CT scans, Bone scans, Pet scans.  All of these come with different side effects I have to deal with. I often say I never had any idea how, one day you hear that diagnosis and your life will never be the same. Its is hard unless you are in those shoes. I always looked forward great summers with friends and family and music, simple things  like grocery shopping, cooking, not to mention every time I walk by a mirror I am shocked on what I see is not what I have been used to for the last 50 or so years. There is also the constant thought of the unknown. Its very hard to watch and think about the people going about their life's week after week while I am here, sitting still, its like everyone is in fast motion going around me as the days pass me by. I want to get back in the race!!!

THANKS FOR ALL THE LOVE, SUPPORT, AND PRAYERS.

4th Treatment

4th Treatment of latest Chemo Docetaxel

Praying this is the insecticide I need to kill the bug!!! I had another allergic reaction, small one, fixed with benadril and a shot of my inhaler. I seem to have a lot more energy with this one.

The reason I have not blogged more is the hand tremors make it very hard to use the keyboard. I am hoping this will not last long. My Father (most wonderful man and Father ever, wish I could have some big Dad hugs ) had tremors, and I never realized how hard it was to the everyday things, it is nerve related, hopefully all this has not triggerd something that was in my future. I started on two pills a day (more pills) if it will help I will know is about two weeks, if not I will see a Neurologist next, (another dr. yeah!). I was able to go to work for a few hours on Monday! What a joy, I really miss it! Topiaries was a dream 19 years ago and it has brought so much pleasure and creativity, and the best people into my life

I think the radiation is starting to work, because the tiny nubs of hair left on my head are falling out and my eyebrows and eyelashes too.  Radiation is accumulative. Praying that is working on my brain, since chemo does not work on the brain.

Love, hope and prayers


Experiencing genuine joy and contentment when life is difficult is only possible when you lean on God's strengh instead of our own.

July 4th weekend

Fourth of July 2012

Unlike other 4th weekends where we spent with family and friends in NY... boating, cookouts. and having a blast. I was not able to go, since I can't be in the sun or heat during treatment. Silver lining My family came to me, amazing family, my two brothers and wives,  my nephew Keith and his wife brought their new born twin girls for me to meet, about 6 weeks old, adorable!!! No one has had a girl in our family since me 54 years ago, everyone had boys, needed some girls!! 

On to the treatment yesterday, about half way through the chemo drip, I started coughing and having a hard time breathing. the nurses came over and I had broken out in hives, face chest everywhere. I thought oh great another chemo I can't use. They unhooked me and put another benedril (sp) drip on, and later re hooked the chemo on a slower speed, which added another 2hrs to my time. I was there for 4 hrs. long day. I do feel good today, much more energy. pedizone. I have one new problem coning from where, we are not from what yet, but my hands have tremors. very hard to write type, brush teeth, holding drinks getting food to mouth, putting on lipstick impossible effects about everything I do. I have been on pred. many times and I usually only shake a bit, not tremors.  My next treatment is Wednesday!

Love to all, I am sure your prayers are working, nothing is easy.



New Chemo

Started the new chemo yesterday. To bring you up to date for me to get to this point, we found out the chemo Tarceva did not work for the past 10 weeks I was on it. Along with that my side effects were very hard for me. If you know me personally I am contantly at the shop working and designing, and a very active person. The last month or so I lost my taste buds completly, I was unable to eat much except, jello, yogurt, boost energy drink. I love to eat!!! I tried all my favorite foods etc, for weeks. I began to lose weight and got very weak. I did not get out of bed except a couple times a day, unless I  had to go to the doctors or someone came to visit. Weeks went by as I got thinner and weaker. If there was a side effect I could skip this would be the one. I stopped taking Tarceva 3days ago. My taste came back yesterday, and I have not stopped eating everything I was craving, I also back on steriods, which will help me breath and eat and have energy. There is a chance my new side effects will be of lossing taste again but hopefully not!!!

I will be getting a drip IV chemo one a week for 10 weeks. Then we will see if this one works..lots of waiting, while poison is being pumped in month after month. I have to build my strength for the next hit. It has been going on for 7 months. I pray this is the one that fights this monster.

Lord, You know the rough time I am going through now.

Please send your wave of faith today to heal my doubt.

 Help me be steadfast in my faith.

Love prayers and hope,

Gail

P.S. If you notice everyday in the news someone has lost their battle with Cancer. I don't like that it sounds like the Cancer has won!!! We need to rewrite that statement.



A quick note on my results.

The bug is still moving, which means the 8 weeks of chemo, and the Tarceva chemo pills  for two months has not worked either. Start new chemo drip this Wednesday for 8-10 weeks. I will update with more details Tuesday.

Please pray this one works keeping the faith.xoxo
Love to all
Gail

Results

I wanted to let you know that, I did not get my test results, do to a mix up.

My doctor will be back from travel on Monday, and I will see him then.

love, prayer and hope

Gail



June 2012

June 11 2012

My thoughts this week: I am still so tired of being tired, as I read more about, its debilitating. I must sleep alot because, the drugs kill the good cells with the bad. I had my bone scan Friday. MRI and CT sans Wednesday. Still not eating much, but I am mostly on jello, boost some soup, its not that I don't want to eat, my taste buds are fried and it all taste like cardboard. My test at the hospital were not fun yesterday. They were all in the morning, and I sleep late. I was weak not in the mood for one more test. I have been throwing up about one a day, and the night before and the morning of I had to drink these huge bottles of banana nasty, hoping to keep it down. Then the rooms where the machines are, was freezing. Then they inject the dye which not fun either, next on the next scan, and another injection. I have had all these tests many times, It just hit me the wrong way. I went home and slept for the rest of the day. I will get all the info on the 20th. Praying that the radiation and chemo are working. Its been 7 months of the unknown, with no good news yet.


Thanks again for all the prayers and love.
Gail


Memorial Day Weekend

After my last post, the dark place I went to was caused by the effects from the radiation. I slept for about a week straight and got up just to eat.  I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself each day.  
Effects for radiation start when the treatments are complete and last for weeks.  On top of that I began to wean off the very strong steroid, Dexamethasone, that causes all kinds of withdrawal and messes with your brain.  It took two weeks to ween off since I was taking 2 a day along with the effects of Tarceva, a chemo in pill form that I take everyday... Then around the 20th I loss my taste for food, it all tastes like cardboard.  Yes, everyone brought me my favorites, etc.  I am still finding it extremely hard to eat anything beside fruit.

It has definitely been a very hard road, one I would not wish on anyone.  It's hard to believe I have been struggling with this for 6 months with a long road ahead.  It is true that when I heard the word Cancer it was like everything I had known of daily life had changed with no return.  It's hard for me to see others out and about doing normal things, or complaining about their hair not looking good cause it had rained... I wish I had hair. I just see people so much more clearer. 
Memorial day weekend we always have a cookout, not this year.  I have already missed my annual 5 day fun at New Orleans Jazz Fest and had to cancel our annual family get together with everyone in Buffalo, etc.  I haven't worked in weeks, I use to work 30 to 40 hours a week.  I really miss my work and clients that have been so amazing with gifts and cards and food, etc.

Thank you all for the love and support and prayers!

Gail

May 24 2012

I just wanted to take a minute to update. I have had a very rough week and a half. I haven't felt like doing anything, not even talking or blogging. I am starting to come out of the dark time, and hope to fill in the details tomorrow.

Love, Prayer and Hope.

 Gail



Mothers Day Weekend

I had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend, as I hope all the Moms did!  We had a fun road trip up to Virginia Tech for my son's Graduation.  It was such a proud moment in our lives.  I thank God everyday for the Best Family I was blessed with from my parents to my unbelievable three brothers that are there constantly with love, support, and prayer even my nephews check in. My husband Mike of 29 years will always be my rock  (which we spent our anniversary in the radiation lab, I said here is the "in sickness and in health") Still My son the greatest blessing of all! The best thing is he is going to spend the summer at home...no more empty nest, we have always been the hang out place for his friends.

I have to say the best thing about all of this is, it is truly like the movie "Its a wonderful life". I look at the cards and letters of incredible people that have touched my life from grammar school, Hudson, Virginia Beach friends and neighbors, and so many clients and friends from Floral Original to Topiaries, other shop owners New Leaf, Wayne Jones etc., ex-employees, wonderful reps from Market that have become great friends, other patients battling different bugs and their friends, nurses too. If I got hit by a truck tomorrow or live another 20 years. I actually feel the love and support from all the amazing, thoughtful, caring, kind people that have touched my life. What an incredible blessing!!

Thank you for touching my life!

For my health update.

Not to bad, very very tired, I can sleep most of the day and all night every other day.

 The radiology Dr. said it could last for months, I am sure I will less and less tired as I go.

The rash and pimples on my face, the new medicine I just started is working great just still a bit puffy face. I am sure that will get back to normal too. I will not know if any of this radiation and Chemo pill, Tarceva I take everyday is working until the middle of June. Please help me pray (I believe in being specific) for the chemo to stop the growth and kill all the Cancer, and for the radiation to remove all Cancer from my brain and kill the rest of the Cancer in my body forever. Amen

"Be patient under trial. Persevere in prayer"

Romans 12:12

GI JANE: Failure Is Not An Option

Today was GI Jane Day!  The hair was shaved in true warrior fashion and I am writng about our friend Gail because I am so damn proud of her.  She wanted to make it through ALL her radiation treatments with her hair still attached to her head.  It was one heck of a goal and she made it.

Personally, I wasn't sure what my emotions were going to be today, but no matter what,  I was going to a positive machine.  What I never expected to experience was watching as this strong woman began to emerge as her head was shaved.  It was an amazing experience that neither one of us expected.  One of the hair stylists even walked over at the beginning and said, "Oh no, why are you shaving your head?!"  Obviously, our girl did not look a person fighting a serious Bug!  I ask you, how much more positive could it get at that moment?!

Was I worried?  Yes.  I was scared I was going to cry, I've known this hair for years!  I've seen it through a ton of ups and downs and many a time I've secretly wished mine looked that good.  So yes, I was worried I might not be the strong shoulder I needed to be today.  Did I let her know that before hand?  Heck no, but as her head was getting shaved and her eyes started to become bigger and her teeth started to look whiter and her neck started to look longer, I sure babbled it all out and let her know what I was witnessing.  We had turned Gail away from the mirror so only I saw her hair fall away.  As it was happening, I realized this was no longer Gail's beautiful hair that was falling to the floor.  What was removed was something fried and damaged.  It was physically a weight that was being lifted off her shoulders.  She actually started to look healthier.  In hind sight, I wish she had seen the incredible transformation that I witnessed because all she saw was the end result.  It was a shock and there were tears.  We hugged hard, cried some more, and then I shook her and made her look back in that mirror to see that strong person I was seeing.  She does NOT look like someone that's fighting the Bug.  She looks like someone that said, what the hell, I'm tired of my hair and I'm shaving it!

Today was a beautiful day, one of the best days I've had in a long time.  It was a gift to be along for the ride.  It was a total girlie day, we got rid of some serious bad hair, picked up some fabulous new hair, and had a blast.  Ten dollars to rid yourself of a serious bad hair day.  And she doesn't need product?!  What girl wouldn't be jealous of that one!!

She's probably not going to show anyone that beautiful shaved head, but I loved it.  Loved it so much, that I told her I was a bit jealous of the power, strength and freedom that shaved head was just radiating.

Just to let ya know, she has a good head, no strange bumps or dimples...

-Megan

Last radiation

Last day of my 3weeks of radiation!

I have been really tired, sleeping, a doing a lot of cooking and eating trying to keep my weight up.  That is one perk, I love to eat.  Effects from the treatments have been fatigue, some headaches, and burns on the skin, not too bad, but they do tell me the effects get worse after the treatment is over, hopefully not. The effects of the Chemo pill I am on every day are not too bad, pimples and rash all over my face, small price to pay for it to be working.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

I look at it as becoming GI Jane preparing for battle!!

There is a USA Today magazine on stands now:

CANCER

PREVENT-CONQUER-HEAL

I suggest everyone to pick it up and start learning how we are all being affected by the bug.

The numbers are staggering.

 

Lung: new 226,160

           deaths 160,340 

Breast: new 226,870 women

                      2,190 men              

              deaths 39,510     

  

Melanomas: new 76,250                  

                      deaths 9,180                

Prostate: new 241,740

                 deaths 28,170

  

 Bladder: new 73,510  

                deaths 14,880  

       

Kidney: new 64,770                         

 & renal deaths 13,570 

                                      

Colon rectum: new 143,460                 

                        deaths 51,690

Non-Hodgkin: new 70,130                   

lymphoma       deaths 18,940

Pancreas: new 43,920                          

                deaths 37,390                        

  

Leukemia: new 47,150

                 deaths 23,540

 Oral cavity: new 40,250

 & pharynx deaths 7850

New Orleans Jazz Fest!

Normally I would be packing for my 5th annual 5 day trip to

 

NOLA

Van the Man

Best food, music, friends, and family!

Next Year!

Thanks for all the prayers, support, and love!

It takes a team to fight.

Love, Gail



Chemo and Radiation

Sunday April 22

I have had 7 Radiation treatments so far. I am also on the chemo pill tarcevia (5 days so far).

The side effects from the radiation have not hit yet, they say after about 2 weeks. I am trying to use visuals to squash the bugs, when the blue beam hits the brain area I think of a bug zapper can't you just hear it frying! When the red beam is on my lung I think of a blow torch. I way I feel about this whole thing is it like a constant war trying to take over my body, Well I want to keep my body so I am keeping my fighters strong, rested, well feed, with healthy nutrients.

The side effects from the radiation has not really hit yet, after about two weeks.  I am trying to get work caught up etc, so I can rest later, because my blood counts will be low and very tired. Some of the small side effects from the pill have started, pimples...where... not stomach, not arms or legs....my face!! This is bug is going to strip me of all outer beauty and then if my worthy battle wins, I will get the outer beauty back, but a will not care about it anymore. This will be a life changing experience in all ways for the better.

I had great energy last week so I used it to get order filled and redisplay the store, which is what I love to do. Great therapy.

 www.topiaries.biz

This weekend my nephew and wife came down from to visit from DC. It was a beautiful day 80s sunny. We started with lunch outside a Taste, then hung out at the beach for a while, Keith had to take dip...burr! Then stopped to pick up a dresser for the babies room, that was mine when I was a little girl and my sons Chris's too. Then to Trader Joe's for cookout food, oh yeah we had to stop and get frozen yogurt so we wouldn't shop hungry. Then Mom made her famous potato salad! Beautiful day in more ways then one!!

Love, hope and prayers.

 If you would like to honor a loved one or someone fighting now or a survivor.

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=1108491&pg=team&fr_id=40935&fl=en_US&et=jKXAQbiSIocN5JKKMxINkg&s_tafId=868681

Radiation starts

Yesterday was a very long day 4 hours at the doctors, so much information and 15 new appointments, more meds. and more bad news.  I will start with the bad news, better news later.  The top lobe of my lung where the tumor is, has collapsed.  Well, no wonder I have hard time breathing.  My other lung is good and the bottom of my left is good, so that's why I can still function but I am still tired.  


On the brain, I have the A-Team when it comes to my three doctors, one is an expert in Boston.  First, my doctor for my treatments pulled up my brain scan and showed me all the spots, still just starting  in my brain and small, but quite a few. They will have to radiate my whole brain to insure they kill it all. Then we pulled up my lungs on the screen and decided to do radiation on the left lung, too. Over my scars from the last surgery, we will be zapping bug cells and goods cells, which will stop the scars from healing due to the radiation.  During the 3 weeks of treatments, I will be going through the bad to get to the better, the side affects too many to list.  My breathing and coughing will get worse before it gets better, and it will be hard to swallow.  Hopefully, we will shrink the bug in the lung which will open it up again and I will be breathing better again.  For the brain radiation, they fit you with a mask to clamp your head down.  They make the mask with a hot plastic mesh which is laid over your face for about 10 minutes or so until it molds to you and cools to harden.  I am inserting a photo because I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone.  Hate the side effects on this one.  I will loose all my hair.  I try not to think I am sick all day because I forget and don't want it on my mind all the time.  Now, it will be very evident to me all day and this one is hard for any woman.  I was blessed with long, thick hair and is a big part of me.  I said a prayer for God to take away all my vanities.



I told my nephew who is having twins in about 4 weeks, that after this, his new babies will relate to me because I will look like a big baby with no hair, a little wrinkled and a rash here or there.  Ready to be born into my new and improved life, Amen!  On top of all that news, which should shrink the tumor in my lung to help me and get rid of the brain bugs, my doctors got a chemo pill to go along with the radiation.  Sometimes the IV chemo does not do well with the radiation and the chemo pills help to keep things stable everywhere else.  So all of that is the good news.  The bugs in my brain were found by accident while getting tested for the clinical trial.  I believe that trial my not have been the answer but my guardian angels got me to have an early MRI which found this very early!!!!  Unfortunately, the MRI's  are very expensive to get since insurance does not approve having them done very often.


 My first treatment is today, one down.. 14 to go.

ALL THE PRAYERS ARE WORKING!

THANKS SO MUCH

New Chapter

As you all know, I was looking forward to testing a new clinical trial to use with the new chemo drug to start tomorrow. Well, I knew something was up, because they moved my doctor apptointment to today along with some other clues.  When I was in the examination room with my Mom, my Doctor came in and I said, "It's not good, is it?"   He said, "You did not qualify for the trial due to the cancer has moved into your brain."  I said it sure would be nice to have some good news once in a while and he said he would love to give me some.  I will start radiation tomorrow, everyday for 2 weeks.  Then another MRI to see if that was enough.  Adding chemo with the radiation will be decided soon. 


I went shopping at Sam's club, made a couple calls while I was shopping to buffer any tears in front of people.  Then I went home and cried for a bit.  I hate to cry since I get a headache afterwards and mucus build-up, which I have been trying to get rid of all the way through this. Then it was time to get back up on the horse and take control again.  Just think,  if I had not gotten so upset about the mistake the surgeon's appointment person had made, I would not have had my surgery yet!!!!  The radiologist nurse called today to schedule an appointment for tomorrow, but said she would have to call my family doctor for a referral.  I told her I would call as I am very close with my doctor and I know his nurses.  Again, my family doctor was not in today, so I talked to his nurse and said I need a fax sent STAT.  And it was done.  My best advice is get close to all of your doctors and nurses, know their names, they will be more involved with you and all that's ever changing in your medical journey.

My thoughts on today....

Even though it is hard for me to wrap my head around it (my life has totally changed in every way and will never be the same) I really do believe I have always had strong guardian angels that move things to happen.  Just think, the bug was not found after it took two doctors and three x-rays.  Then the pulmonary doctor found it and started testing and that lasted a month of "could be"... "maybe"... etc.  Anyway, my point is, I appear so healthy and I have no other signs.  My oncologist said today no one would even test for it.  I thought, I could have been a walking time bomb.  With that said, I feel maybe the clinical trial was not going to work for me anyway, but it did cause me to get an MRI (again guided to by guardian angels) which brings me to...  OK they found it early, lets kill it.  Besides, I am in Gods hands, he wants me to be healthy to get back to my happy and good life.  I must fight this with courage and strength and encourage those who have it a lot worse. 

Again I cannot thank everyone enough for the love and prayers.
It is helping me so much. xoxo



Sometimes your only available transportation is a LEAP of faith.

Clinical Trial

This is where I am at this point.

I am up to be picked for a clinical trial, which entails being examined all over again.

More blood taken today, an EKG, another CT scan, another MRI all before Monday.  I should know if I was chosen by Tuesday.  The trial are four pills I take along with the new chemo drug.  The pill would be an added bonus to the chemo with not many side effects.  My treatments will be 21 days apart again because this one will really hit my blood count low, so I need time to recover and bring my counts back to be treated again.  We are trying to just stop the growth and movement of the BUG, and then on to the next step.  I will know in about two months if this is working.  By this time the testing from my biopsy will give us more insight to help fight (and beat the crap out of) the BUG, because I am starting to get pissed!

I have to say there are so many layers to this that it's hard to see it all coming at you in the beginning.  The many, many tests, x-rays, scans, blood draws, surgeries, scopes, the insurance,(that blows through your money faster than you can imagine, everyday a bill in the mail, insurance covering less, and out of pocket more... Really!)

etc. never mind pain, coughing, and being tired from not enough oxygen.

I am not complaining, but must give a full picture, since remember I am at the begining of this battle.  Two good things, I can run my store from a far with the help of my awesome manager Maureen! I don't know what people do about work, since I have already been in this for 7 months. The other thing that helps me get through it all, is some people have to watch their small kids and young adults go thru this and much more, and the tons of elderly people that are there week after week.  So for that I can fight this as long as I don't have to watch my Mother (88) or my son go thru this week after week. 

Again thanks for the prayers cards and love, I am absorbing it all.

With all of you and the Lord by my side we will see miracles happen!!

GOD BLESS and HAPPY EASTER 

Post surgery Dr. appointment

Tomorrow is the big day!

I will be meeting with my oncologist. It seems like forever since I have been there. If I could talk to him every other day I would feel better, since new questions and thoughts pop into my head everyday, and he always make me feel positive and calm that we are going to make good progress, and are on the right path. I will be starting clinical trials next Wednesday. This means I will start new chemo once every 21 days, and will be taking pills everyday. I have no idea how rough or easy the effects will be but all can be endured with the hope of getting better. Breathing  and coughing are still slowing me down, due to lack of oxygen I become easily tired.

Again thank you for all the prayers and support.

Looking toward a brighter future.

After the storm always comes a rainbow!

I was released from Norfolk Heart Hospital yesterday afternoon.  My husband Mike had trouble getting to the Hospital because they were blocking the entrances due to a bomb threat.   It was on the news when we got home, thankfully it was not a bomb but an unattended package of fruit.

I was admitted Tuesday and released Thursday.  The reality of it all is, most people with this bug have this operation to remove the bug and move back into their life.  I now realize that in my case this is just the first step in the fight.  I was never in the easy line!   While lots of people are getting tattoos these days, I received my first battle scar on my collar bone neck area.  Yes, he went in from the front, removed some cartilage and then cut out a piece of the bug.  I also had a scope put down my throat.  The procedure itself was not too bad since I was out of it, but the after surgery recovery was not a walk in the park.  I had a drainage tube in my chest, IVs in each arm, repeated shots of blood thinner in my stomach during the day and at 2 am, along with finger pricks twice a day and at night.

I often think how I never saw this coming.  I can't wait to get back to the old me with a new and improved outlook on life.

Glad to be home and ready for the next step.

I want to thank everyone for their support, prayers, food, gifts, love, etc.

Especially for everyone in my family, who have always been there for me at every turn in my life, we have always been very close.

sending some love back xoxo
me 1959

Update on Biopsy Surgery

Gail's out of surgery!  She had good news last night when her surgery was bumped up to early Tuesday morning versus later in the afternoon.  When you want to "get that party started" as soon as possible, early morning was a great way to start the day.

The morning started out with an anesthesiologist with a calm and quirky sense of humor.  He took the time to answer many questions that hopefully put Gail at ease.  I know her Mom, Mike and I felt a bit better!  Her surgery went according to plan and the doctor was out in the waiting room two hours later to give us his report.  Gail's mom, my mom and I might have startled him when he walked in the room since we saw him before he saw us....we were camped out right next to the information desk.  Stalkers!!  We probably resembled meerkats or prairie dogs by the way we popped up out of our seats, wide eyed and majorly alert.  Once he caught his breath, he told us the surgery had gone well and they were able to get a good amount of tumor tissue removed to send up to Boston.  Yea!  He then said, other than discomfort (we call it pain...) she should be able to go home tomorrow.  Another yea!

About an hour and a half later, Gail's mom and I were able to visit her.  She was very groggy due to the drugs and truthfully, in some pain.  She fell back asleep while we were there and hopefully she'll sleep for many more hours.  The room was nice and dark and peaceful, so I left her mom there hoping that she might be able to take a little nap herself.  Our girl is doing her best especially surrounded by prayers, well wishes, positive thoughts, air hugs, and you-name-its sent from far and wide!  As soon as I hear more, I'll try to post another update.
-Megan

Preparing for biopsy surgery

I had a wonderful week with my son, during his spring break.

Then I headed off to Atlanta to do Christmas buying for Topiaries.

Buying trips are fun and exhausting at the same time.  I got it all done, I just had to take naps during the day.  I feel it is very important to keep my future going.  I got back home last night. I also had lots of helping hands, you see I have been going there two times a year for 18 years so I have made some great friends.  Gary and Frank came up from South Carolina to help out, again.  Frank squeezed limes for me daily while Gary helped me spend money.  We had a blast.  Jackie made sure I had homemade soups everyday, and muffins, cuties and bananas, to take back to my hotel, and to the airport.  Awesome friends!!!!

Today, I had my meet and greet with the surgeon that will be doing my surgical biopsy next week.  When Carolyn and I got there the receptionist said we have you down for two weeks from now.  OMG!!  I have been off chemo for 6 weeks now, another 2 weeks to meet the doctor and then another week or two for surgery.  This means my biopsy wouldn't even get to Boston until the end of April.  REALLY!!

Most of you know I have run my own business for over 20 years.
If the scheduler had said you can meet the Doctor in April, my response would have been, I should fly to Boston and get it done quicker!  Back to today, I told the receptionist I may look healthy, but I have stage 4 lung cancer and I can't wait weeks!!!!!!!  I told her I am staying here until I talk to my oncologist.  She came back out to the waiting room and said they could squeeze me in.  We waited another two hours (he is the best in this area) and he came in and discussed the surgery.  He will cut a two inch opening, entering just above my breast and remove some cartilage and then cut off a peice of the tumor to send off to Boston for testing. Since lung cancer can mutate, they need a current sample.  After a trying day, I was sent for labs, 5 tubes of blood, EKG, x-ray, and the special of the day, a painful draw of blood from my artery.  Very long day to say the least.  My surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday.  I will be in the hospital 1 or 2 days.  At least the ball is starting to roll.  The Bug is not for SISSIES!!!

Good News...Bad news...

Bad News.....I have been waiting for today's doctors appointment for my results of my recent scans.

I was feeling really great lately, certainly breathing better and coughing less.

So of course I am thinking the chemo is working and I am going to get a good report.

The bad news the chemo is not working and in fact the bug really likes my bones and is spreading that way, and the tumor has not shrunk at all. Wow that was a shock I was not ready for. Next I will be going to go into clinical trials. My Doctor is going to confer with the leading doctor in lung cancer at the Boston cancer center. If needed I will go up there for treatment.

Good News... no chemo today yeah, my son is home from college this week so we can do a lot more together since I won't have the "flu". I am also going to Atlanta to buy Christmas, the following weekend, for Topiaries (since I could not go in January due to treatments) and again all my blood will be normal without the chemo, and not have the fatigue. That is also where I see lots of friends and enjoy buying. So the break for chemo could not have come at a better time so I can really enjoy the next two weeks. Then when I come back Monday I will start my new treatments on the Wednesday in two weeks.

Please keep praying for these next treatments to remove the cancer from my body. I do believe in miracles and medicine working together.

 I am ready to get back to the fight when I get back from a real break from all this.

Thank you so much for all your support xoxo

Gail

My new small business: Gail's Health

Since my bone scan last week, I have been felling pretty good. I had my blood tested last Wednesday with good results, back to normal, which means my body has recovered from the chemo and all is back in order. I have not heard any results from the CT scan or the bone scan yet. I meet with my Doctor Wednesday for all of my results and anything new. I will also get my 4th chemo treatment that day. As far as I know I am scheduled for 2 more after that.

I am feeling pretty mentally strong since, after hearing the three most feared words from my Doctor, ...Cancer, incurable, and stage 4. In a strange way it gives me a type of power I can't explain, it is almost like this is as bad as it gets and you go into a take the bull by the horns and prepare for battle.

I will not have the big fear most cancer survivors have is that it comes back. I will always have it until a cure comes along. I will be trying clinical trials to work on the tumors on my bones later on. Somethings that I share, are just my personal feeling while dealing with all of this, it is hard to relate unless you are in my shoes. I would say 98% of the time I am positive. Yes I wish I could go back to the life I had before this, but I am hoping to be almost the same, except I have started another small business called "Gail's health". Its a bit different than running  Topiaries. It consists of Dr. appts, keeping up on doctor bills, and instead of meeting new clients I meet people that are running the same business, which is of great comfort. I have also attached a link about lime juice and lung cancer. I have been drinking about a 1/3 of a cup or more a day. I pour it in my water all day and add a natural sweetener. I believe it has helped my breathing and is also good for your immune system, which becomes compromised after chemo.

Lime juice and lung cancer

http://www.livestrong.com/article/292173-lime-juice-health-benefits/

No one can go back and make a brand-new start, but anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.

Thank you Lord for wanting me to turn to you first and for working in ways beyond my scope of understanding. You are able to do immeasurably more than anything I can ask or imagine.

Bone scan today!

Today I have my bone scan to check for progress.

Last week I had a CT scan to also check the progress.

I will share the results as soon as I recieve them.

My doctor said I would know before they did if I am getting better.

I have to say, I have seen a hopeful improvement since my last treatment.

I can actually laugh without coughing, which has been and extra curse since laughing is supposed to be the best medicine. Breathing a bit better and I am not as tired all of the time. LOOKING GOOD!

Thanks for all of the prayers and support!

xoxo

Today was my 3rd Chemo treatment.

Feeling very tired the last week, hoping to feel better after I start my chemo trip this weekend. It certainly doesn't seem like three weeks have gone by. I heard that the treatments are not as rough after the first three. I am scheduled for 3 more treatments so far. Before  my next one I am going to have a bone scan and pet scan (detects cancer cells from the neck down) this will let us know if the chemo is working or not, I pray it is. I have seen how the other half lives, people go about their days and life's without a care and then the other half spend their days and weeks and years fighting for their lives. The offices are always so full. I meet some of the most amazing people, we share a different type of conversation than one has in a regular day.

Many different bugs different journeys yet all fighting the same fight and still there is always laughter, and joy. When you have hours to sit and visit with strangers, I think about how fast life moves outside of lounge. I would have never met these new friends I have found. Thank you Lord for giving me joy in the most unlikely place, it is just like you to turn fear into cheer. In this life, pain is inevitable, but misery is optional!

Thank you so much for all the cards, prayers and love you have really filled my heart!

Week two after the chemo trip!

Good news... my blood counts have recovered well, and I am starting to feel better. As my nurse bluntly said, good you are ready for us to hit you again next week...Really!!

It is hard for someone like me that is always go, go, go. I can only handle a 1/2 a day at work, due to my energy level. I must stop myself when normally I would keep going, realizing I must rest to recover and again take one day at a time. As my good friend Dave, from highschool, said its like a quarterback sitting on the bench injured during the Superbowl. and that is really what its like, I count on my teammates and friends to help Topiaries carry on until I am able to get back in the game. As of right now I have 4 more treatments until I get my next steps.

Again thanks to all for the prayers and love.

Monday after Superbowl

I have been resting this past week.

I had my blood work checked after my last chemo treatment.

My white blood cell count was pretty low, which means my immune system is low, so I needed to stay away from anyone that is sick, or has a sick family member. I did not recover as quickly as last time. I will get another blood check on Wednesday. I have been feeling tired, but did have good energy today, to do some floral work. I try to work when I can to catch up from when I can not work.

I hope everyone had a great Superbowl weekend.

Chemo Vacation

After a great Wednesday and good Thursday, it was time for my chemo vacation. A trip no one wants to book, but a must for survival! The weekend starts with flu like symptoms that get progressively worse as the weekend moves on. The trip includes a cocktail of poison to kill off good and bad cells, and if you think that sucks, add a bonus boat ride for a dash of nausea that feels like sea sickness, and a couple other bonus amenities. So far as I know I have booked 4 more weekends. The very good thing is I get 18 days to catch up on life and work. Unfortunately I had to miss my brother Gary's wedding to his college sweetheart Carol. I hate to miss any family time!
  

Thanks for all the love and prayers. xoxo

Thanks you Lord for having a strong grip on me no matter what the size of wave!

This bug is not going to keep me down!

Today chemo 4hours, and then new furniture shipment at Topiaries....

This bug is not going to keep me down:)

Kudos !

Thank you to my good friend Bernie for sending me a beautiful Gift box filled with goodies on the day I found out I had the Bug. xoxo

Thanks my friend Judy for bringing over so many homemade goodies to the house, you are so thoughtful and kind.

Thank you Mary Paul for bringing me alkaline water supplies to me every three days to keep me hydrated, I believe it has made a huge difference in my treatment success.

Still enjoying the kiwis that Mary Reid was so kind to bring me.

Carolyn, thanks for my special gift and being there on my first day at chemo, so thoughtful. xoxo


Thank you so much Suzanne for all the great books and flowers you brought over, that lasted 2weeks!!

A huge thank you to Kate for bringing my whole family prepared dinner for 10  Christmas Eve from Cuisine and Company including dessert tray!!! Amazing.
Thank you Kate!

Erica thanks for taking Layla all day yesterday to play....the dogs didn't care that it was raining...:)

Megan thanks again and again for setting up my blog! xoxo

Thanks for all the cards. I have them on display to remind me of all your love and support. xoxo

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Sent to me by my awesome brother Greg

Name that bug

The latest on living with the bug..

..thinking about giving it a name..what do you think?

    I went to get my blood work checked yesterday for a check of my last x-ray and general meeting to talk over things. My x-ray was good and he said my blood work was GREAT.

Which means my body is handling the effects from the chemo well.

All the doctors though this have said, you will do well you are healthy and young!!! I haven't heard young so many times, since I am 54...(another upside to the bug)

My next chemo is Wed. and we will be adding calcium shots to help keep my bones strong. I am feeling very positive and pretty well now that my cough is much less often.

I am thinking..young, healthy,  I can fight this with all my strength, and yet go through my days as if The bug does not exist.

Please add to your prayers a new special friend I met in the chemo lounge, her name is Liz she has a tough fight and needs lots of prayers to stand strong against her bug.

xoxo love from Gail

The Relic

The Relic

( http://www.stjohnneumann.org/) 

One day at work, Maureen's husband, Mike pulled me aside and gave me this beautiful relic

( small piece of bone of St. John).  Not only is it beautiful, I was touched to tears that he would give me some thing that was so important to him and he had held for so long.  Along with it, he told me amazing stories of healing that had taken place in his life involving the relic.  I will always wear it and believe in it.  One great thing about the bug is I had no idea how many people have come to my side to help me fight the bug.

Funny thing about John's relics.

Everytime I give one away another finds its way to me.  When I got home the day I gave it to you, I received one from my best friend, Joe.  He got it when his uncle passed away (very Catholic family, very).  This one is a class one relic with a wax seal.  Meaning, it is actually a very small piece of his body.  Joe is the same person whose house I was leaving in the rain the night I found the relic two weeks before my uncle had his accident.  If you ask Maureen, she will tell you Joe is the nicest human walking the earth.  Some things just can't be explained.  Try to remember when things really suck, something CSN&Y said in a song, "REJOICE, REJOICE YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CARRY ON".  Happy Thoughts, Mike

Great day at work, it sure feels good to feel good!

Today I went back to work at the shop, it felt great!!  It was as if I never had the bug.  I had to stop myself from working all day. Sooo much to do, but really displaying is what I really enjoy.  Topiaries and all that comes with it is truly a big joy in my life, from the wonderful people I have met, the buying, the florals etc..  The shop is going on 19yrs.  I truly believe today was such a dramatic change for the good, it must be all those prayers.  I mean dramatic. I have not felt this good since September. It sure feels good to feel good!

Thanks so much for all the cards and prayers. xoxo

Update after Jan. 12 blood work

Courage is not the towering oak that

sees storms come and go;

            It is the fragile blossom

                        that opens in the snow.

                                                                                                                        a card sent by my friend Maddy..

Ok here is where I am....

I have not been working do to the constant coughing I have endured since Sept.. I have been resting and eating. Some very small good things due to the bug are, I have lost weight so I now must gain weight, REALLY who would have thought....and I am working on my 6 pack due to coughing its like doing a hundred sit ups a day and no fat to cover the muscle. 

I went in for my blood work yesterday, which needs to be checked between treatments to make all of your blood counts are good. All of mine checked out good. While I was there I talked to the nurse about my coughing and breathing problems, (which all along everyone had said I would have to live with until there is some shrinkage of the tumor) they prescribed a new cough medicine which knocked me out for about 15 hours but gave my lungs a rest. I also went for a chest x-ray to check for anything that might be brewing in there. I am hoping to work for a bit tomorrow.

P.S. Please try posting again, Megan has made it easier to leave comments.

Thanks for your love and prayers! xoxo