After my last post, the dark place I went to was caused by the effects from the radiation. I slept for about a week straight and got up just to eat. I am starting to feel a little bit more like myself each day.
Effects for radiation start when the treatments are complete and last for weeks. On top of that I began to wean off the very strong steroid, Dexamethasone, that causes all kinds of withdrawal and messes with your brain. It took two weeks to ween off since I was taking 2 a day along with the effects of Tarceva, a chemo in pill form that I take everyday... Then around the 20th I loss my taste for food, it all tastes like cardboard. Yes, everyone brought me my favorites, etc. I am still finding it extremely hard to eat anything beside fruit.
Effects for radiation start when the treatments are complete and last for weeks. On top of that I began to wean off the very strong steroid, Dexamethasone, that causes all kinds of withdrawal and messes with your brain. It took two weeks to ween off since I was taking 2 a day along with the effects of Tarceva, a chemo in pill form that I take everyday... Then around the 20th I loss my taste for food, it all tastes like cardboard. Yes, everyone brought me my favorites, etc. I am still finding it extremely hard to eat anything beside fruit.
It has definitely been a very hard road, one I would not wish on anyone. It's hard to believe I have been struggling with this for 6 months with a long road ahead. It is true that when I heard the word Cancer it was like everything I had known of daily life had changed with no return. It's hard for me to see others out and about doing normal things, or complaining about their hair not looking good cause it had rained... I wish I had hair. I just see people so much more clearer.
Memorial day weekend we always have a cookout, not this year. I have already missed my annual 5 day fun at New Orleans Jazz Fest and had to cancel our annual family get together with everyone in Buffalo, etc. I haven't worked in weeks, I use to work 30 to 40 hours a week. I really miss my work and clients that have been so amazing with gifts and cards and food, etc.
Memorial day weekend we always have a cookout, not this year. I have already missed my annual 5 day fun at New Orleans Jazz Fest and had to cancel our annual family get together with everyone in Buffalo, etc. I haven't worked in weeks, I use to work 30 to 40 hours a week. I really miss my work and clients that have been so amazing with gifts and cards and food, etc.
Thank you all for the love and support and prayers!
Gail
Hey Gail, You are so brave and I totally understand your anger and more than that your frustration Girl. You are going through such a loss of yourself and your health! You should be angry and fed up. Any loss has the same grief stages. First denial in a way and then anger but I will tell you the anger is what will get you through this time and it will move you forward. I know I don't know how you feel exactly but I know about having something ripped away from you. Use your anger as strength and you go girl. I put my self in your place and know I still don't know what it is like. I only wish I could take some of that pain from you. Don't give up hope and don't give up the anger it will move you forward...As my counselor always said feel your feelings. I must sound like a nut and if you tell me to go to hell I will understand. I just love you and know you will pull through this. Keep fighting the fight. If there is anything I can do please let me know. If you want to call me please do. I know I don't have any experience in the road your going down but I do know what it is to lose what you love.
ReplyDeleteYou do know how I feel, in a different way. I think of you for the strength you must have found in yourself. When I feel I need to push myself...you give me strength truly, Love you!!
ReplyDelete